Sometimes when we are transitioning to change, it is easy to focus on the outside changes we must make. Changes in behaviors and habits. The way we do things.
It is common that the changes we make on the outside occur well before changes on the inside; our perceptions and beliefs about ourselves and how we fit within our change.
After all, sometimes we don’t exactly know what we think or how we feel until after the change itself has occurred. And even when we initiate a change, as the saying goes, “old habits die hard.”
The importance of identifying and relating.
When our inner world hasn’t caught up with our outer world, problems can arise. We become disjoined and disconnected from the change.
The change becomes a thing, or an item to check off of a list, rather than something we fully embody. We become misaligned, and our behavior starts to be driven by shoulds because we haven’t fully accepted it within ourselves.
When this happens, our perceptions might become distorted by resentment because we’re behaving in ways we don’t like, and we begin to feel like victims the change is happening to, rather than feeling empowered by our freedom of choice.
In our current topic of Identifying and Relating To Facilitate Personal Change, I highlighted how things can play out when the way we see ourselves hasn’t caught up to a change in our outer world.
Also discussed was how the way we relate with our outer world can influence the way we see ourselves when we haven’t fully realized how we personally identify with that change.
Today I provide two exercises that can be helpful in accelerating our adaptation to a change by honing in on who we want to be and how we want to relate to our change.
These exercises are close relatives of the Magic Mirror exercise presented in a previous post.
I strongly encourage you to check it out before attempting either of these exercises as it will require the ability to make a quantum leap in perspective, using a visualization technique discussed further in that exercise.
Personify your change!
These exercises fall under a mini-program I am working on called Personify Your Change!
The individual exercises are experimental and haven’t yet been named. So for now, one will be called Identifying Persona, the other Relating Persona.
Here’s how they work:
The purpose of this exercise is to quicken our inner adaptation to a change you will, or are, currently experiencing.
It does this by developing a persona of how we want to consider ourselves. The more we practice putting ourselves within this persona, the sooner and more easily we will be able to make the quantum leap into it:
Creating the Identifying Persona.
If this is not the case, then the question to ask is if your current persona represents the way you want to be in this change?
If the answer is yes, then find another example that represents a situation in which you do not currently identify the way you want to.
Evolving into the persona.
Creating the Relating Persona.
Evolving into the persona.
You feel the warmth of enjoyment and sense of belonging, of entertaining in a comfortable, cozy space. You feel the positive emotions from having a good time, and the special bonds of spending time with good friends.
Note: It will be difficult to practice the relating persona until you’ve become comfortable putting yourself in your identifying persona. It is, however, possible to practice the relating persona from your current perspective.
So if you haven’t created your identifying persona, but have an upcoming situation you’d like to practice with, doing so with your current frame of mind is possible, but will likely have different results than if performed while in your identifying persona.
It is important to note that these are starting points to accelerate your transition to a change.
As we go through our transition process, we may find that the persona we’ve created doesn’t fit with the change the way we thought it would.
For example, we may have created a persona of how we thought we’d be in a marriage that was based on an idyllic view of our parent’s marriage only to find that their marriage wasn’t really all that wonderful, and our idealization was primarily based upon a facade.
This is an example of how the way we relate to our world influences the way in which we identify with ourselves, and it’s time to step out of that persona and determine what it is that is most important to us to embody and convey.
This takes time and requires the ability to reflect and listen to ourselves. But once we get there, we are better able to design the persona we want to have for our specific change, create it and then practice by moving into that persona for longer and longer periods of time until we have made the leap into it fully.
That being said, starting where we’re at is a great way to flex our personification muscles. And the more we practice this, the easier it becomes to tweak and adapt as we traverse our always evolving path of change.
Have a great weekend and thank you so much for reading!
About the Author
Megan Rounds, Ed.D. is owner and principle perculator of perculcha, llc.
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